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#32 Motherhood, Matrescence and the Making of a New Self, with Amanda Delosa

What if you were never supposed to bounce back at all?

Amanda Delosa built her career telling other people's stories. She has shaped public narratives inside the Federal Government's media team, built one of Australia's leading boutique PR agencies, and coached founders on how to lead with clarity. Then she became a mother, and for the first time, she could not find the words for what was happening to her own identity.

In this raw, unscripted conversation, Amanda tells Kristy what it actually felt like: waking up feeling possessed by someone else, sobbing for hours with no explanation, and slowly realising that the version of herself built for a pre-motherhood life, the one wired for praise, recognition and constant momentum, simply stopped working. Together they name what the science calls matrescence: a developmental transition every bit as significant as adolescence, and one almost nobody prepares women for.

This conversation traces what it actually takes to stop chasing your old self and start building your next one, on your own terms.

 

In this episode Amanda shares

  • What it felt like when motherhood "cracked her open," emotionally, physically and professionally

  • Why she describes her old identity as "a complete collapse of every identity I'd ever built" over 38 years

  • The moment she realised she was bringing an outdated "operating system" into her marriage and motherhood

  • How an addiction to external validation, the same "intermittent reinforcement" wiring behind gambling addiction, was quietly running her life

  • Why a 38-hour week of solo parenting is a full-time job that nobody clocks in or out of

  • The advice from women a decade ahead of her: treat this season as research and development, not a setback

  • Why "bouncing back" is the wrong metaphor, and her own reframe: "let's look at it as a slingshot"

  • The real story behind her viral Instagram post about stepping into a more supportive role in her marriage

  • Why she believes codependency and interdependence have been confused, and what that costs ambitious women

  • How she is redefining success season by season, instead of inheriting someone else's metrics

  • What she does, in practice, to experience her own version of Spacious Success

 

Key Quotes

  • "It was a complete collapse of every identity I'd ever built up throughout 38 years of my life."

  • "You will never bounce back to your previous version. You are physiologically, psychologically a different person after you have become a mother."

  • "Let's look at it as a slingshot. You come back into that next best version of you."

 

Timestamps

  • (02:40) Cracked open: the identity collapse of new motherhood begins

  • (02:54) The post that started it: choosing to lead, not compete

  • (06:22) The old operating system: wiring built before motherhood

  • (10:18) The addiction to being needed: validation and invisible labour

  • (11:17) Intermittent reinforcement: why the highs and crashes feel like withdrawal

  • (15:03) The 38-hour week nobody counts

  • (17:15) What does success in this season actually look like

  • (18:33) Sudden or gradual: how the unravelling actually happens

  • (21:31) Matrescence: the adolescence nobody names

  • (28:39) Why you will never bounce back, and why that is the point

  • (35:08) The slingshot, not the bounce back

  • (35:32) The trad wife conversation: choice versus fear

  • (40:03) Has extreme feminism failed ambitious women

  • (41:04) Success without paying the success tax 

 

Amanda Delosa

Spacious Success with Dr Kristy Goodwin

 

References

  • Athan, A. M. (2024). A critical need for the concept of matrescence in perinatal psychiatry. Frontiers in Psychiatry, 15, Article 1364845. https://doi.org/10.3389/fpsyt.2024.1364845

  • Clark, L., & Zack, M. (2023). Engineered highs: Reward variability and frequency as potential prerequisites of behavioural addiction. Addictive Behaviors, 140, Article 107626. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.addbeh.2023.107626

  • Dai, H., Milkman, K. L., & Riis, J. (2014). The fresh start effect: Temporal landmarks motivate aspirational behavior. Management Science, 60(10), 2563–2582. https://doi.org/10.1287/mnsc.2014.1901

  • Gallup. (2026, March 12). Women show stronger employee engagement amid higher burnout. https://www.gallup.com/workplace/702881/women-show-stronger-employee-engagement-amid-higher-burnout.aspx

  • Yoo, S. S., Gujar, N., Hu, P., Jolesz, F. A., & Walker, M. P. (2007). The human emotional brain without sleep: A prefrontal amygdala disconnect. Current Biology, 17(20), R877–R878. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.cub.2007.08.007

 

 

 

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